Happy birthday to me today. I'm 48. And yes, I have a 9 year-old son. I got started late, what can I say? Well the day has already started off right.....or wrong. My beautiful son, sweet and innocent presented me with a lovely birthday card, that he actually picked up yesterday while we were shopping for my mom. I pretended not to see it, even though I paid for it. Approximately an hour later, my son turned into a psycho-child acting like he had some mental disorder. He would not take his Adderrall and ran all around the house to avoid me coming with the spoon and water. He can't swallow a pill yet.
It sometimes takes every ounce of me NOT to hit him harshly across his little cute head. And here we talk about discipline. Do we or do we NOT spank our children in this day and age? I say yes, by all means, whatever it takes to get them to respect and listen to you. The schools, and justice system, however, will tell you it's child abuse. The children are taught this in school and think they can "call the police" if we hit them. I say, "go ahead and call them, because by the time they get here, you're little *** will be in the hospital already!!!
I wonder if I'll get a cake today from any of my family or friends? I hope so. I love cake. And I need a break!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
How It All Began..
It's not my fault....really. I created a website which "took off" and became very popular. Essentially it brought income into the family which we needed. The "ex" began to feel neglected, and keep in mind we had a new baby in the house. In my own defense, I was working full time at a large financial corporation 40 hours a week, came home, cooked, cleaned, took care of my child, worked on the website. By 10 p.m. I was mentally exhausted. There was no time left for myself or him. I suppose I don't blame him for leaving, but it's the WAY he left.
Abandoned me and my child for 3 days. We didn't know if he was alive or dead. He never bothered to call my son in three days. My child's at home crying because he hasn't seen his father. So typical. When we finally got him to call us back after threatening legal action or calling the police to report him missing or over abandonment, he finally called. He said only that he "needed time to think about what HE needed to do."
Two weeks later, I find out he's living with another woman. They eventually got married and had THEIR own child. Thanks alot. It never amazes me how people can just leave a family because they don't want the responsibilities, but then walk right back into the same situation. Ever since, we (me and my son) are still alone, still without as much money as we all had. I did manage to buy a pair of new $13 shoes for my son today from Walmart. He was so excited he said "they look like skate shoes mommy" which is all that mattered to him. Little does he know they probably won't last through Christmas at that price.
Abandoned me and my child for 3 days. We didn't know if he was alive or dead. He never bothered to call my son in three days. My child's at home crying because he hasn't seen his father. So typical. When we finally got him to call us back after threatening legal action or calling the police to report him missing or over abandonment, he finally called. He said only that he "needed time to think about what HE needed to do."
Two weeks later, I find out he's living with another woman. They eventually got married and had THEIR own child. Thanks alot. It never amazes me how people can just leave a family because they don't want the responsibilities, but then walk right back into the same situation. Ever since, we (me and my son) are still alone, still without as much money as we all had. I did manage to buy a pair of new $13 shoes for my son today from Walmart. He was so excited he said "they look like skate shoes mommy" which is all that mattered to him. Little does he know they probably won't last through Christmas at that price.
Beginning to Follow Me..
Thanks Kathryn! Wow, my first "follower." I'm new to this whole blogging thing, but I see this as being an outlet for my accomplishments, my frustrations, and just...when I gotta get it "off my chest" but don't want to lash out at anyone purposely. Tomorrow is my 48th birthday! Of course, I would love to buy myself an iPod Touch just for fun. Of course, I'm walking around with a wad of cash and need to save it for rent. I guess rent does come first. Sighs.....
New Year...New Me!
You know, I'm very creative, I've made jewelry, I've made other things, jewelry, and jar candles and tealites. Why is it that I always wait too late to think about making things to sell for Christmas presents? I think to prevent myself from fretting over Christmas again, I'm going to adopt a new "me" plan in 2010. Part of that has already started..I've been able to increase my salary by $4.00 per hour in this industry I'm now in in just under 2 years so that's promising. On the way to a better life hopefully...
My car will be paid off in less than 5 months so that's a huge thing for me, and I'm excited about that! I have a new apartment, a new job I love. These are all great things so I feel good about going into 2010 in a little better shape than I have been in. I really miss my candle making so perhaps once I get some bills paid off, I can buy supplies to begin making a stock of candles to sell next Christmas.
I welcome comments and feedback from other single parents who've struggled, won, and lost some battles, I think support is a great thing!
My car will be paid off in less than 5 months so that's a huge thing for me, and I'm excited about that! I have a new apartment, a new job I love. These are all great things so I feel good about going into 2010 in a little better shape than I have been in. I really miss my candle making so perhaps once I get some bills paid off, I can buy supplies to begin making a stock of candles to sell next Christmas.
I welcome comments and feedback from other single parents who've struggled, won, and lost some battles, I think support is a great thing!
Worried About Christmas..
Now I know alot of you have been there...but do you ever get worried about Christmas and whether or not your child will wake up to discover a huge lot of presents under the tree? Do you ever really get tired of seeing their little faces light up when they think Santa Clause has known that they were good boys and girls? I do this every single year, and it always turns out to be okay. Usually when mid November arrives I start to panic thinking that I'm "late in the game" with the present buying. But truthfully, the only reason I ever feel like that is because I bargain shop on the internet for the items he wants, then save them to a cart.
In reality, by the time I got paid enough to order them, there are 10 days left before Christmas, and they will never arrive in time in the mail. So having said that, I'm going to have to do some research and find where the items are locally in stores, and go there and get them. All I need is money and time off. I'm not a lottery player generally, but I find myself thinking lately that if "I could just win the lottery" all my woes would go away.....people say money can't buy happiness.
I know if I had money, I'd be alot happier, stress free, and perhaps my high blood pressure would go away.
In reality, by the time I got paid enough to order them, there are 10 days left before Christmas, and they will never arrive in time in the mail. So having said that, I'm going to have to do some research and find where the items are locally in stores, and go there and get them. All I need is money and time off. I'm not a lottery player generally, but I find myself thinking lately that if "I could just win the lottery" all my woes would go away.....people say money can't buy happiness.
I know if I had money, I'd be alot happier, stress free, and perhaps my high blood pressure would go away.
Great Start.....Angry Ending...
Today started out so great. It's my mom's birthday. Me and my son went to have lunch and shop with my mom and sister. Everything was fine, and we were home by 12:30 p.m. My son played outside all day, I went and visited a friend while she worked. Later in the afternoon my son said he had $4.00 in his pocket and he wanted to buy me a birthday present because tomorrow is MY birthday..
We walked across the street to the Walgreens, we looked at things, and low and behold, he had misplaced his $4.00. Don't know where it went, he lost it somehow and he got extremely angry. We walked home, he kicked every sign on the way, kicked gravel and slammed the door when we got home. It was everything inside me to keep me from slapping him up side the head. When I asked him to stop acting like that he back talked me with such an anger in his eyes. Sometimes when I look at my son, he is an innocent 9 year-old boy, so sweet and so cute. Other times I feel like I am looking at a psycho-like multiple personalied child. How can he go from sweet to demon-like in less than 2 seconds flat??? It's called ADHD.
Meds help, but unfortunately when we're strapped for money and trying to get by on every penny from one paycheck to the other, we have to also "stretch" the meds...meaning that on the weekends we won't take them, or on long holidays we won't take them either. It's sad and it's not fair to my son especiallyl when it makes HIM feel like he's cringing inside changing from one mood to the other but we don't have a choice.
Insurance from the old job runs out on November 30th. Insurance from the new job doesn't kick in until January 1st. Sighs.....I really hope that 2010 is a better year for us.
We walked across the street to the Walgreens, we looked at things, and low and behold, he had misplaced his $4.00. Don't know where it went, he lost it somehow and he got extremely angry. We walked home, he kicked every sign on the way, kicked gravel and slammed the door when we got home. It was everything inside me to keep me from slapping him up side the head. When I asked him to stop acting like that he back talked me with such an anger in his eyes. Sometimes when I look at my son, he is an innocent 9 year-old boy, so sweet and so cute. Other times I feel like I am looking at a psycho-like multiple personalied child. How can he go from sweet to demon-like in less than 2 seconds flat??? It's called ADHD.
Meds help, but unfortunately when we're strapped for money and trying to get by on every penny from one paycheck to the other, we have to also "stretch" the meds...meaning that on the weekends we won't take them, or on long holidays we won't take them either. It's sad and it's not fair to my son especiallyl when it makes HIM feel like he's cringing inside changing from one mood to the other but we don't have a choice.
Insurance from the old job runs out on November 30th. Insurance from the new job doesn't kick in until January 1st. Sighs.....I really hope that 2010 is a better year for us.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Questionable Choices We Make...
I welcome comments from those of you who have been in similar situations. Today, I was thankful that my first full paycheck was in my bank account. Sadly, I only cleared just over a thousand, and with this one check, I must make my rent payment and a car payment. Hm.....rent is $820. Car payment is $385. So.....let's do the math, we're not stupid right? $1,205. Well, where am I going to get the other $200?
So here is where it all begins. I've had to make tough choices before. If I don't make the car payment, I'll then be two months behind. Can I afford to have my car repossessed? No. I have a job I have to drive to every day so that I CAN get paid. Can I skip on rent? Of course not. Me and my son need a roof over our heads. So what did I do? I made my car payment first. Once I noticed it cleared my bank, I went to my bank and withdrew every penny I had in my account to save for rent, thinking that atleast if I paid $600 of it, it's a "good faith" move, hoping they will let me make the additional up on my next payday.
Why did I withdraw every penny? Because tomorrow, an automatic payment will come out to the tune of about $200 which will inevitably "overdraft" me.....again. And this has been going on for three months. When does it stop?
So here is where it all begins. I've had to make tough choices before. If I don't make the car payment, I'll then be two months behind. Can I afford to have my car repossessed? No. I have a job I have to drive to every day so that I CAN get paid. Can I skip on rent? Of course not. Me and my son need a roof over our heads. So what did I do? I made my car payment first. Once I noticed it cleared my bank, I went to my bank and withdrew every penny I had in my account to save for rent, thinking that atleast if I paid $600 of it, it's a "good faith" move, hoping they will let me make the additional up on my next payday.
Why did I withdraw every penny? Because tomorrow, an automatic payment will come out to the tune of about $200 which will inevitably "overdraft" me.....again. And this has been going on for three months. When does it stop?
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